sufficient.

His grace seems to be consuming my thoughts these days.

this morning in the War Room i spent some time boasting in my weakness.
i lay on the floor (which was shockingly dirty from that angle) and meditated on my own weakness juxtaposed with His perfection.
this lead to me sharing with Him my deep brokenness.
then it lead me to worship as i reflected on the price He paid to bring me, fragile little me with all my issues, to Himself.
then it led me to a place of trusting-- He covers me. i no longer felt shame for who i am, but i felt safe in Him, my Refuge. and i feel confident that He is healing me and sanctifying me and strengthening me. i trust Him to do this.

"i have not much to offer You
not near what You deserve
but still i come
because Your cross
has placed in me my worth.

Jesus- my King of sympathy
Whose wounds secured my peace
Your grace extends
to call me 'friend,'
Your mercy sets me free

i know i'm weak
i know i'm unworthy
to call upon Your name.
because of Your grace
because of Your mercy
i stand here unashamed.

i can't explain this kind of love
i'm humbled and amazed
that You came down
from Heaven's heights
to greet me face to Face.

Here i am
at Your feet
in my brokenness, complete."

--Starfield.

even my holiness seems so dirty when i look at Him.
but i trust Him.
right now i'm laying, in a johnny, on a metal table with paper on it, waiting for Him to come and do some surgery.
i'm not going to try and fix myself by doing surgery with a blunt stick.
i'm going to allow Him to cut me cleanly with His sharp Words that slice like a razor. i know He works well.


is it possible, in some twisted way, that the Lord could will someone to sin, because He wants to teach them about humility, and dependence on Him?
i know that He can use even the worst of situations, but do you ever wonder if He planned it to happen?

grant it, Lord

apparently
Olivia
comes from the Scandinavian name
Olga
which means
Holy

what does your name mean?

balance is bull. both is best.

today i caught myself praying,
"Lord, show us a balance between discipline and grace."

but i had to stop myself and take it back. this is what i'm thinking:
grace and discipline are both divine things, good gifts that the Lord gives us.

i don't want one to balance out the other.
i want to live in fullness of both.

i'm thinking that one does not take away from the other, but that it is possible to live in grace and forgiveness 100% of the time, but to also be 100% disciplined and self-controlled.

so if i'm disciplining myself hardcore, sacrificing all kinds of worldly pleasures, and resisting sin to the point of shedding blood, there might not necessarily be a need for someone to remind me, "grace." the fact that i'm so self-controlled does not mean that i am ungracious. perhaps the one reminding me is more accurately bringing to my mind, "laziness."

at the other end of the spectrum, if i am eternally forgiving, and never get under condemnation for mistakes, it doesn't necessarily mean that i need people to constantly remind me, "discipline." maybe all that i hear when they say that is, "legalism."

personally-- i tend toward discipline, but i struggle with grace.
the Lord is teaching me heaps about receiving His forgiveness, and not depending on my own goodness, but only on His.

still--
in this journey of learning about grace, i don't want to sacrifice an ounce of discipline. it is not going to be one or the other.

i am grateful that He is constantly reminding me of His compassion and His unfailing love. but i will not go back on my duties.

if you find that you struggle with legalism-- the answer is not removing disciplines from your life-- the answer is revelation of His grace.
if you find that you struggle with laziness-- the answer is not bogging yourself down with a burden of trying to save your own soul-- the answer is self-control.

does this all make sense to you?

this is all coming out of a place of brokenness in my own life. i am pressing in to greater self-discipline-- and concurrently the Lord is teaching me to receive His forgiveness. it's a surefire combination.

A PRAYER FOR A POOR NEIGHBORHOOD

God of Creation, redemption, and reconciliation.

You call us to live together in peace.

Your Word speaks of reconciliation.

Your Spirit brings justice.

Look upon us and judge what we have done with our stewardship.


Witness the burned houses,

meth labs,

crack houses,

drug dealers,

slumlords,

and prostitutes.

See the emptiness and false promises,

the alienation and despair,

injustice and oppressions,

that bring these tragedies among us.

Hear the gunfire that breaks the peace!


How many lives are swallowed up in these tragedies!

How much pain and how much sorrow do they cause!

Heal this place, God of mercy and forgiveness.

Send your love and grace upon all

prostitutes,

drug dealers,

slumlords,

loan sharks,

bankers,

lawyers,

politicians.


Bring them to conversion of heart and life.

Cause those who are responsible to cease from their oppressions,

stop their crimes, and to keep the peace in our neighborhoods.

Fill the emptiness that is the source of these sorrows,

with love, peace, mercy, and justice.


Give us courage, so that we may show them of your love,

Teach us to respect all people as human beings,

not forgetting all

prostitutes,

drug dealers,

slumlords,

loan sharks,

bankers,

lawyers, and

politicians.


These blessings we ask,

in the name of the One who became poverty,

who will judge the deeds of all humanity,

on that great day when justice reigns

in every neighborhood,

on every street,

and among all nations.

Amen.


PRAYER FOR THE POOR

Who is Jesus to me?


Jesus is the Word - made Flesh.

Jesus is the Bread - of Life.

Jesus is the Victim - offered for our sins on the Cross.

Jesus is the Sacrifice for the sins of the world - and mine.

Jesus is the Word - to be spoken.

Jesus is the Truth - to be told.

Jesus is the Way - to be walked.

Jesus is the Light - to be lit.

Jesus is the Life - to be loved.

Jesus is the Joy - to be shared.

Jesus is the Sacrifice - to be given.

Jesus is the Bread of Life - to be eaten.

Jesus is the Hungry - to be fed.

Jesus is the Thirsty - to be satiated.

Jesus is the Naked - to be clothed.

Jesus is the Homeless - to be taken in.

Jesus is the Sick - to be healed.

Jesus is the Lonely - to be loved.

Jesus is the Unwanted - to be wanted.

Jesus is the Leper - to wash his wounds.

Jesus is the Beggar - to give him a smile.

Jesus is the Drunkard - to listen to him.

Jesus is the Little One - to embrace him.

Jesus is the Dumb - to speak to him.

Jesus is the Crippled - to walk with him.

Jesus is the Drug Addict - to befriend him.

Jesus is the Prostitute - to remove from danger and befriend her.

Jesus is the Prisoner - to be visited.

Jesus is the Old - to be served.

To me Jesus is my God,

Jesus is my Spouse,

Jesus is my Life,

Jesus is my only Love,

Jesus is my All in All,

Jesus is my Everything.


Amen.


(By Mother Teresa of Calcutta.)

is that You?

i haven't blogged in almost a week! unheard of...

i'm not sure whether or not you have all heard the tragic/wonderful news: Captain Danielle Strickland and Captain Stephen Court are being sent to Melbourne, Australia to continue the fight there.
they have sweet appointements which seem custom made for them:
Danielle-- Justice lady (i'm sure that's not the official title).
Stephen-- Mr. Education (again, unofficial).

i'm very glad for Australia, and i'm very glad for them-- they are blessed in their coming and in their going, and they are going from strength to strength to strength and from glory to glory to glory.
they're not stepping down-- they're getting a larger sphere of influence, and they will bless and be blessed as they fight in the Army in the Southern Hemisphere.

but...sigh...i'm really going to miss them.

cool story:
my squad leader came to squad on Monday and said, "guys, i'm feeling really heavy, can you pray for me?"
we didn't know why he was feeling this way, so we prayed a couple generic prayers and tried to listen to the Lord for guidance as to how to approach whatever was going on inside of him, which was a mystery to us.
we asked him why he was so sad, and he said that he couldn't tell us.
so we just kept praying (mostly in silence).

as we were awkwardly watching him cry and struggle, without knowing what he needed, i suddenly felt-- "Stephen and Danielle are moving." i'm guessing that it was the Lord answering me when i asked Him, "what's going on?"

so then i started crying. the other people there probably thought that i was emphathizing strongly with him...but honestly...i just felt really sad that they were leaving.

well-- i was right. they are. sigh.
i'm mournful about their coming departure-- but isn't that cool that i heard from God? wow! we can hear His voice! i shouldn't be shocked by this anymore, but somehow, whenever we hear His voice it still makes my heart leap.

bless you Stephen, Danielle and Zion. we've got your backs.

my "children"

every Friday from noon until 1pm, the War College soldiers sacrifice their lunch, and do an Open Air meeting instead. generally this consists of singing and preaching-- these days, however, we've decided to get a bit more creative, and explore new ways to preach.

for example, today the Warriors armed themselves with sidewalk chalk, and invaded alleys, Pigeon Park, and the sidewalk outside of the No. 5 showroom pub (a well-known hive of degradation).

they asked the Lord to tell them what He wanted them to write. and then they wrote it. and drew it. all over. prophetic graffiti.

i found it overwhelmingly powerful. walking down rock alley (aptly nicknamed) and seeing "FREEDOM!' etched on the wall with a picture of broken chains. or walking toward Pigeon Park and seeing "HOPE" in bold letters above previously painted profanities.

i took dozens of pics, but here are a few of my favorites to capture the mood for you:















it led to conversation...naturally...only one of which was hostile.
Matt Armstrong was writing 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a on the sidewalk directly in front of the No.5 doors...it was only a matter of time before a very displeased manager-type-man came out, told him to leave, and quickly returned with a bucket of water to wash away the words.
Matt moved down a few meters and started again.

Christian vandalism-- totally washable. gotta love it.

ready? set? then go.

i've said it before, and i say it again:

Jesus is returning soon.

7Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
8Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear."
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)
Revelation 19:7-8

okay-- He's coming again, and we need to be ready.

how do we get ourselves ready?
wearing fine linen, so it seems.
fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints (that's us).

righteous acts. hm.

one comrade who is fighting with me here in the Downtown Eastside, recently did his masters thesis on the word, "righteous."
so i asked him what he thinks this Scripture means.

i always took it as a holiness verse (i like to take every verse as a holiness verse!), and said that to get ready for Jesus' return, we must be righteous. we need to stop sinning, and do good. that's how i interpreted it.

he knows a lot about the word righteous, however.

apparently the righteous act we do is this:
declare our allegiance to the Kingdom of God.

this is, basically, salvation. it's saying, "i am Yours, i will remain faithful to You and Your kingdom, if i get shot in the head, if i get abandoned, whatever comes. i declare my allegiance to You."

so-- declare your allegiance to Him. come what may.
(back to the Moulin Rouge allusions)

this is how you can get yourself ready. and how we can get them ready.

"i wanna be ready,
i wanna be ready,
i wanna be ready, Lord
ready to put on my long white robe."

oh that song looks so silly when i type it out, but it's actually a powerful negro-spiritual, danced out with tears and passion by Alvin Ailey dance company (my favorite choreographer).

cries of my heart:
--"come, Lord Jesus."
--"i must know You."
--"make us ready."