this week i have been feeling convicted...
what i have been convicted of could be called by a few names:
1) selfishness
2) being ingrown/inward focused
3) effeteness
4) spiritual masturbation.
i suppose the first two definitions are more self-explanatory than three or four.
effete can be defined as:
1.Depleted of vitality, force, or effectiveness; exhausted.
2.Marked by self-indulgence, triviality, or decadence.
3.Overrefined; effeminate.
4.No longer productive; infertile.
and spiritual masturbation is intimacy and pleasure without any results. it's Christianity for the way that it makes you feel, but not seeing any fruit. as believers in a love relationship with Jesus, we should produce spiritual offspring-- converts.
so i've repented. i've changed a few things in my schedule and behaviors which force me to be on the streets, and evangelizing with more boldness than usual. i'm fed up with not seeing anyone get saved.
however, with this recent lifestyle change, i've been discouraged. i'm trying harder than ever to help revolutionize the world, but i'm not seeing much more fruit. last night i had a crisis when suddenly i sank into discouragement-- i had pleaded with so many people for days, and nothing was working. i want to see people pass from death to life! i want to see mass repentance like you read about.
i used to get mad at God for not changing the Downtown East side. then i had a revelation that He wants metamorphosis more than i do--but He needs faithful workers. so i'm trying to be faithful...but now i'm getting mad at myself for the lack of transformation in my neighborhood.
perhaps i'm depending too much on my own strength and strategies. i'm not sure. whatever the cause for this ineffectiveness, i want to get rid of it.
do you relate?
use me, Lord.
give Your servants great boldness in their preaching; may miraculous signs and wonders be done through the name of Your Holy Servant, Jesus. (Acts 4:29-30)
Monday, November 27, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
full.
last night i led (delegated) the all night of prayer here at 614. eight crazy hours of worship, intercession, praying the Bible, praying the fight songs in the song book, listening prayer, singing, encouragement...lovely time. i believe it was our fifth all night of prayer since i've lived here (is that true?).
one guy i've been trying to get saved for weeks came and stayed for all eight hours. during a prayer walk, i bumped into another guy we know who is saved, but who is struggling quite a bit, and he came back with me as well and stayed for the rest of the night. it was deep community--war college students, strangers, cellmates, sinners--all kinds of people.
come 6am i wasn't even tired cuz i was so pumped. so i went out for breakfast at McDonald's and watched the sunrise. *heavy sigh*...
my tired state did not help me with my wild night at work tonight.
i believe the craziness resulted because of a combination of two factors:
1) welfare Wednesday was this week. people have money, and can spend it and get high...it's a very dark time.
2) it was SNOWING tonight, so everyone wants a bed, of course.
3) it's the weekend. people party on weekends.
probably the most hectic night yet. we had to kick someone out, we had yelling, someone kicked out the back of a chair, someone spat at me...we were threatened...phew.
i just have such sweet times here. life is beautiful. i feel that i'm beginning to see the fruit of labor a bit.
Lord, bring on the harvest! make us faithful workers, please. we're not here to please ourselves, to feel spiritually impressive, to get some experience, or to use some addicts as guinea pigs in our evangelism techniques. nope.
we are here to win the world for Jesus, beginning in the downtown East side of Vancouver. help us, Lord. please convict us of any selfishness, and hearts of stone. may we be in alignment with Your purposes.
one guy i've been trying to get saved for weeks came and stayed for all eight hours. during a prayer walk, i bumped into another guy we know who is saved, but who is struggling quite a bit, and he came back with me as well and stayed for the rest of the night. it was deep community--war college students, strangers, cellmates, sinners--all kinds of people.
come 6am i wasn't even tired cuz i was so pumped. so i went out for breakfast at McDonald's and watched the sunrise. *heavy sigh*...
my tired state did not help me with my wild night at work tonight.
i believe the craziness resulted because of a combination of two factors:
1) welfare Wednesday was this week. people have money, and can spend it and get high...it's a very dark time.
2) it was SNOWING tonight, so everyone wants a bed, of course.
3) it's the weekend. people party on weekends.
probably the most hectic night yet. we had to kick someone out, we had yelling, someone kicked out the back of a chair, someone spat at me...we were threatened...phew.
i just have such sweet times here. life is beautiful. i feel that i'm beginning to see the fruit of labor a bit.
Lord, bring on the harvest! make us faithful workers, please. we're not here to please ourselves, to feel spiritually impressive, to get some experience, or to use some addicts as guinea pigs in our evangelism techniques. nope.
we are here to win the world for Jesus, beginning in the downtown East side of Vancouver. help us, Lord. please convict us of any selfishness, and hearts of stone. may we be in alignment with Your purposes.
Friday, November 24, 2006
hungry for the fullness of Christ
More on the sevenfold Spirit of God.
Isaiah 11:1-3 (NIV)
A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him--
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of power,
the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord--
this would be a (partial) explanation of the sevenfold Spirit -- as follows:
1. The Spirit of the LORD
2. The Spirit of wisdom
3. [The Spirit] of understanding
4. The Spirit of counsel
5. [The Spirit] of power
6. The Spirit of knowledge
7. [The Spirit] of the fear of the LORD
fascinating, eh? hm...
Isaiah 11:1-3 (NIV)
A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him--
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of power,
the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord--
this would be a (partial) explanation of the sevenfold Spirit -- as follows:
1. The Spirit of the LORD
2. The Spirit of wisdom
3. [The Spirit] of understanding
4. The Spirit of counsel
5. [The Spirit] of power
6. The Spirit of knowledge
7. [The Spirit] of the fear of the LORD
fascinating, eh? hm...
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
i'm legal!
well...
my visa extension came through! hallelujah! and thank you, to all who prayed.
it was flippin easy-- they didn't even question me. praise the Lord.
here's a new interesting theological opinion i heard this week:
the Bible never directly mentions the Trinity-- true enough. but it does mention the seven-fold spirit of God.
is it possible that we have only identified three of the seven spirits of Yahweh?
and, what would the word be: Septinity?
anyway, it surprised me, i had never thought of it before, so i'm throwing it out there. if you don't like it...send it right back. ;o)
my visa extension came through! hallelujah! and thank you, to all who prayed.
it was flippin easy-- they didn't even question me. praise the Lord.
here's a new interesting theological opinion i heard this week:
the Bible never directly mentions the Trinity-- true enough. but it does mention the seven-fold spirit of God.
is it possible that we have only identified three of the seven spirits of Yahweh?
and, what would the word be: Septinity?
anyway, it surprised me, i had never thought of it before, so i'm throwing it out there. if you don't like it...send it right back. ;o)
Monday, November 20, 2006
follicular homicide
if you think of it,
please pray for me today, and particularly tomorrow morning.
i'm headed down to Seattle, to the Canadian Consulate, to ask (beg) them to give me an extension on my visa. if this doesn't come through, then i'll have to mail for one. that is supposed to take 2 months to come through, which is more time than i have.
anyway, i could use some FAVOR. i want to slip right through customs and immigration like i have butter on my shoes...aww yeea.
so i cut someones hair last night. if you know me well (mom), you will recall that my experiences of hair styling in the past have been rather...dramatic. and perhaps traumatic.
it wasn't so bad this time! okay, so there is one little spot in the back which is rather bald, but if you pull the rest of the hair over it, you barely even notice.
anyway, i was pretty impressed with my abilities. i think i'm going into the business soon.
of course, hair clearly is not as sacred to me as it is to my hair stylist back in Maine,
"olivia, friends don't let friends cut each others hair!"
(spin off of 'friends don't let friends drive drunk.')
to illustrate my lack of honour for my coif, hear this:
i work in a men's shelter. we had a certain client come in, who was quite hilarious, and rather flamboyant. we chatted for a bit, and he told me that he used to be a hair stylist, and that he would LOOOOVE to cut my hair, because it was SOOOO healthy. so i let him. took off my toque (translation: beanie) in the middle of this shelter, and let him clip away. perhaps i was the first female to ever get a haircut in that building-- i certainly felt out of place.
the whole process took about an hour and a half, and it ended up being...about 4 inches shorter than just a trim. a little piece of me died every time i espied a curl falling to the filthy floor. ;o)
some have commented that i was foolish to let a homeless man cut my hair...but i say i was wise-- it was free. and perhaps incarnational?
sure, the haircut sucks, but i'd rather have a story than perfectly stylized, flowing locks.
please pray for me today, and particularly tomorrow morning.
i'm headed down to Seattle, to the Canadian Consulate, to ask (beg) them to give me an extension on my visa. if this doesn't come through, then i'll have to mail for one. that is supposed to take 2 months to come through, which is more time than i have.
anyway, i could use some FAVOR. i want to slip right through customs and immigration like i have butter on my shoes...aww yeea.
so i cut someones hair last night. if you know me well (mom), you will recall that my experiences of hair styling in the past have been rather...dramatic. and perhaps traumatic.
it wasn't so bad this time! okay, so there is one little spot in the back which is rather bald, but if you pull the rest of the hair over it, you barely even notice.
anyway, i was pretty impressed with my abilities. i think i'm going into the business soon.
of course, hair clearly is not as sacred to me as it is to my hair stylist back in Maine,
"olivia, friends don't let friends cut each others hair!"
(spin off of 'friends don't let friends drive drunk.')
to illustrate my lack of honour for my coif, hear this:
i work in a men's shelter. we had a certain client come in, who was quite hilarious, and rather flamboyant. we chatted for a bit, and he told me that he used to be a hair stylist, and that he would LOOOOVE to cut my hair, because it was SOOOO healthy. so i let him. took off my toque (translation: beanie) in the middle of this shelter, and let him clip away. perhaps i was the first female to ever get a haircut in that building-- i certainly felt out of place.
the whole process took about an hour and a half, and it ended up being...about 4 inches shorter than just a trim. a little piece of me died every time i espied a curl falling to the filthy floor. ;o)
some have commented that i was foolish to let a homeless man cut my hair...but i say i was wise-- it was free. and perhaps incarnational?
sure, the haircut sucks, but i'd rather have a story than perfectly stylized, flowing locks.
Friday, November 17, 2006
upon me
vital for me to realize--
i am stinkin rich.
even if i'm choosing to live simply and sacrifice some earthly comforts...
i still live in North America, i still have running water from 8 taps in my apartments (wow!), and a roof over my head that i can afford, even if i only worked 2 days a month. not to mention the perk of living in the Downtown East side of Vancouver-- 7 free meals a day (more since i'm a woman), handouts all over the place, and even free heroin if i want it.
even if i move to a remote village in Africa, with no resources, i'll always have the option of hopping on a flight back to New York, where my parents could help me out. i am rich because i have options. the poor cannot get out.
i receive all my rebukes toward the wealthy.
Lord, help me never to think of myself more highly (or lowly) than i ought.
i am stinkin rich.
even if i'm choosing to live simply and sacrifice some earthly comforts...
i still live in North America, i still have running water from 8 taps in my apartments (wow!), and a roof over my head that i can afford, even if i only worked 2 days a month. not to mention the perk of living in the Downtown East side of Vancouver-- 7 free meals a day (more since i'm a woman), handouts all over the place, and even free heroin if i want it.
even if i move to a remote village in Africa, with no resources, i'll always have the option of hopping on a flight back to New York, where my parents could help me out. i am rich because i have options. the poor cannot get out.
i receive all my rebukes toward the wealthy.
Lord, help me never to think of myself more highly (or lowly) than i ought.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
bias for the poor
FIRST OF ALL-- i'm surprised by the lack of response to my last post. to me that quote as completely changed the way i do evangelism! it made me stop worrying about "shoving Jesus down peoples throats" and start getting it into them in any way that i can. and, i must add, it has been more effective than holding back when i am concerned about offending people.
if people didn't love the quote, i figured they'd hate it and disagree fully. ah well, maybe it doesn't stick out to all as it did to me.
just came back from a "National Philanthropy" luncheon thing. Danielle and i were representing the Salvation Army. it was all very formal, very delicious, and very...pointless. no offense to the philanthropists. i suppose i am one.
the speaker was Justin Trudeau, son of former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau.
my table mates (and possibly all 750 guests) were unimpressed.
most of what he said was wishy-washy, insubstantial, shallow, long winded, some might even say self-centered and arrogant. eek.
the Lord is convicting me a bit, however, of my prejudice against the wealthy. i found it hard to like the guy, simply because he is rich and doesn't seem to DO anything. i much prefer the poor who don't do anything. hm. the Lord speaks harshly against the rich in many many verses of Scripture, but i'm sure that it must be wrong of me to be disgusted by all wealthy. thoughts?
here is a though which he threw out, which i will gladly throw away--
we should all give as much as we can, because we gain from it
(is it really giving when you gain in return?)
but in these times of superficiality, it's fun to try and think of something worth preaching on in the midst. here's my best attempt:
"as citizens, we should stop thinking about rights, and start thinking about responsibilities."
okay, so i'm not a Canadian citizen, but i am a citizen of heaven. as a citizen of heaven, i ought not think only about what rights that gives me, but also about what responsibilities my citizenship gives me. that could preach, don't you think?
meh. it's the most i could find in between lines of filler and ramble.
so, is it wrong for me to be repulsed by the wealthy?
if people didn't love the quote, i figured they'd hate it and disagree fully. ah well, maybe it doesn't stick out to all as it did to me.
just came back from a "National Philanthropy" luncheon thing. Danielle and i were representing the Salvation Army. it was all very formal, very delicious, and very...pointless. no offense to the philanthropists. i suppose i am one.
the speaker was Justin Trudeau, son of former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau.
my table mates (and possibly all 750 guests) were unimpressed.
most of what he said was wishy-washy, insubstantial, shallow, long winded, some might even say self-centered and arrogant. eek.
the Lord is convicting me a bit, however, of my prejudice against the wealthy. i found it hard to like the guy, simply because he is rich and doesn't seem to DO anything. i much prefer the poor who don't do anything. hm. the Lord speaks harshly against the rich in many many verses of Scripture, but i'm sure that it must be wrong of me to be disgusted by all wealthy. thoughts?
here is a though which he threw out, which i will gladly throw away--
we should all give as much as we can, because we gain from it
(is it really giving when you gain in return?)
but in these times of superficiality, it's fun to try and think of something worth preaching on in the midst. here's my best attempt:
"as citizens, we should stop thinking about rights, and start thinking about responsibilities."
okay, so i'm not a Canadian citizen, but i am a citizen of heaven. as a citizen of heaven, i ought not think only about what rights that gives me, but also about what responsibilities my citizenship gives me. that could preach, don't you think?
meh. it's the most i could find in between lines of filler and ramble.
so, is it wrong for me to be repulsed by the wealthy?
Monday, November 13, 2006
likeable? perhaps not. effective? yes.
not an exact quote, mind you--
"not shove it down their throats? how else will we get it down there?"
--Catherine Booth
(in regards to the good news of reconciliation with God)
hm... :o)
"not shove it down their throats? how else will we get it down there?"
--Catherine Booth
(in regards to the good news of reconciliation with God)
hm... :o)
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Lord, I don't know-- how could I ever leave You?
You've always been there for me
You've always been good to me
You've always been faithful...
and I could never leave You.
Lord, I don't know-- why would I ever leave You?
You've never hurt me
You've never abandoned me
You'll never leave me...
and I should never leave You.
But I've walked away,
I've run away
I've spun around, turned my back, and walked away.
I've walked away,
I've run away
Lord, won't You come and take me back again today?
Draw me back to Your side
Make me Your faithful bride
help me to walk in white
make me Your faithful bride.
and then I hear You tenderly say,
'Come back, Love, to My side
I call you My faithful bride
you look so ravishing in white
My faithful warrior bride
'My Love, do you know-- I could never leave you?
I'm so glad you came home to Me
even though you hurt Me
even though you abandoned Me
I could never leave you.
'My Love, do you know-- I will never leave you?
I have always been here for you
I will always be good to you
I will always be faithful...
and I will never leave you.
I covenant myself with you.'
You've always been there for me
You've always been good to me
You've always been faithful...
and I could never leave You.
Lord, I don't know-- why would I ever leave You?
You've never hurt me
You've never abandoned me
You'll never leave me...
and I should never leave You.
But I've walked away,
I've run away
I've spun around, turned my back, and walked away.
I've walked away,
I've run away
Lord, won't You come and take me back again today?
Draw me back to Your side
Make me Your faithful bride
help me to walk in white
make me Your faithful bride.
and then I hear You tenderly say,
'Come back, Love, to My side
I call you My faithful bride
you look so ravishing in white
My faithful warrior bride
'My Love, do you know-- I could never leave you?
I'm so glad you came home to Me
even though you hurt Me
even though you abandoned Me
I could never leave you.
'My Love, do you know-- I will never leave you?
I have always been here for you
I will always be good to you
I will always be faithful...
and I will never leave you.
I covenant myself with you.'
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
lyrics in question
by the pathway of duty
flows the river, flows the river of Gods grace
by the pathway of duty
flows the river of Gods grace.
(from By the Pathway of Duty)
perhaps it's better put-- "by the river of Gods grace is the pathway of duty". we are saved by grace through faith (hallelujah!), though i certainly recognize the vital importance of duty. i just think grace should come first...we don't tire ourselves walking the pathway of duty for a few moments of rest here and there in Gods grace. this leads us to legalism, dead religion. we bask in the sweetness of grace our whole lives, while keeping our promises to God (duty).
Prone to wander, Lord, i feel it,
prone to leave the God i love.
(from Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing)
why would i ever leave the God i love? i love Him! i'm not even prone toward this-- nothing in me desires to bail on this beautiful relationship. i am not prone to wander, i am prone to life-long covenant, and deep, passionate intimacy with this God whom i love.
You give and take away,
my heart will choose to say,
'Lord blessed be Your name'
(from Blessed Be the Name of The Lord)
certainly Biblical-- Job said it-- Job who received a painfully long rebuke from the Lord. i prefer to sing, "You give and You give and You give and You give!" the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but He comes to give life in all its fullness...we should be careful not to blame God for taking blessings away from us.
if He does take anything away-- it's our sin, guilt, shame, sickness, mediocrity, and punishment...only to give us abundant life. praise the Lord.
i'm not SURE if these lyrics are passable. until i decide i'm refraining from singing them, just in case, because...as we know...words have power.
flows the river, flows the river of Gods grace
by the pathway of duty
flows the river of Gods grace.
(from By the Pathway of Duty)
perhaps it's better put-- "by the river of Gods grace is the pathway of duty". we are saved by grace through faith (hallelujah!), though i certainly recognize the vital importance of duty. i just think grace should come first...we don't tire ourselves walking the pathway of duty for a few moments of rest here and there in Gods grace. this leads us to legalism, dead religion. we bask in the sweetness of grace our whole lives, while keeping our promises to God (duty).
Prone to wander, Lord, i feel it,
prone to leave the God i love.
(from Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing)
why would i ever leave the God i love? i love Him! i'm not even prone toward this-- nothing in me desires to bail on this beautiful relationship. i am not prone to wander, i am prone to life-long covenant, and deep, passionate intimacy with this God whom i love.
You give and take away,
my heart will choose to say,
'Lord blessed be Your name'
(from Blessed Be the Name of The Lord)
certainly Biblical-- Job said it-- Job who received a painfully long rebuke from the Lord. i prefer to sing, "You give and You give and You give and You give!" the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but He comes to give life in all its fullness...we should be careful not to blame God for taking blessings away from us.
if He does take anything away-- it's our sin, guilt, shame, sickness, mediocrity, and punishment...only to give us abundant life. praise the Lord.
i'm not SURE if these lyrics are passable. until i decide i'm refraining from singing them, just in case, because...as we know...words have power.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Haven-- far from it
and so...after 4 days of work...i'm exhausted, yet full of quirky anecdotes.
my job right now is in a mens only shelter in the downtown east side, called the Haven. you can imagine that i never have a dull night-- fights breaking out, rigorous discussions about Jesus, being cussed out, confused clients, bathrooms with no doors or even stalls (don't worry, i don't use them), piles and piles of laundry, new friends, and finding bloody catheters in someones sheets. yes, it's true. there seems to be a new incident every evening. a new disgusting something found in someones bed, every evening.
you see, it is part of my job to check to see who didn't show up, and to strip their beds and wash the sheets. fortunately, it is not my job to tell the guys who have been waiting in the rain for 2 hours that there is not enough beds for them all. i leave that to the male half of the team...while i stick to the laundry, snacks, and evangelizing.
i refused to sign the "non-fraternizing" policy, and thus, i get to talk about Jesus as much as i want to! and i do. i basically spend most of my time hanging out and trying to get people saved...it's what i do already. it's a lifestyle-- why not get paid for it? (similar philosophy to my inclination towards officership.)
i also scored a free haircut by one curiously flamboyant client, a bag of Tim Horton's doughnuts found in the dumpster (a costly present someone gave to me), plenty of time to work on my book, 16 hours a week surrounded by lava lamps, a few marriage proposals, a lengthy phone conversation with a lady who called the Salvation Army simply because she wanted prayer (joyfully provided!), and my own swivel chair.
this is living.
if the Lord brings it to mind: pray for Jay, Brian, Marc, Aaron, Benjamin, Geoff, and James. These are a few guys whom the Lord is pursuing...i want to be there when He arrests them and they fall madly in love.
come Lord Jesus, come.
my job right now is in a mens only shelter in the downtown east side, called the Haven. you can imagine that i never have a dull night-- fights breaking out, rigorous discussions about Jesus, being cussed out, confused clients, bathrooms with no doors or even stalls (don't worry, i don't use them), piles and piles of laundry, new friends, and finding bloody catheters in someones sheets. yes, it's true. there seems to be a new incident every evening. a new disgusting something found in someones bed, every evening.
you see, it is part of my job to check to see who didn't show up, and to strip their beds and wash the sheets. fortunately, it is not my job to tell the guys who have been waiting in the rain for 2 hours that there is not enough beds for them all. i leave that to the male half of the team...while i stick to the laundry, snacks, and evangelizing.
i refused to sign the "non-fraternizing" policy, and thus, i get to talk about Jesus as much as i want to! and i do. i basically spend most of my time hanging out and trying to get people saved...it's what i do already. it's a lifestyle-- why not get paid for it? (similar philosophy to my inclination towards officership.)
i also scored a free haircut by one curiously flamboyant client, a bag of Tim Horton's doughnuts found in the dumpster (a costly present someone gave to me), plenty of time to work on my book, 16 hours a week surrounded by lava lamps, a few marriage proposals, a lengthy phone conversation with a lady who called the Salvation Army simply because she wanted prayer (joyfully provided!), and my own swivel chair.
this is living.
if the Lord brings it to mind: pray for Jay, Brian, Marc, Aaron, Benjamin, Geoff, and James. These are a few guys whom the Lord is pursuing...i want to be there when He arrests them and they fall madly in love.
come Lord Jesus, come.
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